Sunday, June 2, 2013

Regrets will kill you

The worst thing is, I really don't regret anything.
If that was the case, I least I'd have someone (myself) to blame for what happened (or not). 
But I don't.
Looking back, I really couldn't do any different. I am ... if not proud, at least okay with the decisions I took.
But then... I have this itching, really, that's driving me insane.

Because I keep looking for him everywhere. Anywhere. Just based on the fact that he lives here too (if he hasn't left yet. That's also a possibility, and a sort of mantra that I keep repeating to myself, to remember that meeting him is not a possibility), although I know that the chances of actually meeting are less than scarce.
But, oh!, how I wish there was some way - any way - to get to him. And I don't know how.
Or even why I want to meet, really.
I mean. I know why I want to meet him. But then I didn't left him my number last month because I wasn't sure about him, and I didn't want to be a tease.  
Why am I now so driven? What happened? 
And if I meet him and then change my mind?
Oh, I don't know. I am really really confused.

I am okay and happy with meeting other guys, and I having a good time; and I do that. But then, I always kinda ... compare all of them to him. And thinking (ok, now always; but given the guys I meet, most of the time!) that it was him that I was talking to instead. Because of his damn accent that drives me crazy, because I want to know more, because... I want to kiss him so badly.

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