Monday, September 23, 2013


For some reason, lately I think about you all the time.
About what had been, between us. 

In a way, this is extremely frustrating. Because of what was, and of course will never be again; and I don't even know why I should dwell on it in this manner, but I can't help it.
And then, because I don't understand:
what we had - whatever little it was - it's over now, and I'm content with that. I am honest when I say that I'm more satisfied in being your friend than else. But the memories haunt me.
Why is that? Why do they have to come back to me in such a vivid manner?

...the way I rested my head against your shoulder and chest the night we met. The way you hold me close, and your straying hand on my backside; enough to make me quiver. Finally kissing you, and it was like drinking fresh water in the desert. The way you kissed my neck and my brain shut down completely. Chatting side by side on a bench and you kissing the top of my head. The smile you had when you saw me arrive.

See, it wasn't much - it has been only a couple of weeks and brief encounters. Nothing significant.
But I've been thinking, lately; that of all the guys I've been with, you're the only one I wanted to be with in that moment. I kissed them all, but you had been the only one I had wanted to kiss before it happened.

But I don't want to mourn over the loss of something; because I don't think I've "lost" anything. I had something, I had you - for those, brief, moments; and that's something I never thought I could - and as such I intend to treasure it. Without pain, though; and sadness.
But I really don't understand why I can't seem to let it go, why these reminescences have to haunt me - because they still have the power to stir me deeply.

I want to move on - and find someone that deserves me. Just let me go now. 

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