Saturday, September 21, 2013

Now I can breathe again

 I am just so happy

Happy that we talked, happy that is was you to make the first move.
You must have noticed how awkward and stiff and uncomfortable I was when I came to talk to you - although I did, and I hugged you and told you "I am here to make conversation!", just like you accused me last time of not doing. Then you just stood there, and talked to someone else while I was waiting for my drink; and I even made sure you were busy so I could not be scolded again. And I told you I was leaving. And when you came at the table, we basically ignored each other- or maybe it was a careful thread around each other...? Sure that's how I pictured the whole night - and the future of our possible interactions - would be (basically, a nightmare).
Instead, the first thing you said when we were left alone was "Let's start again fresh. Let's not mention what happened, I have been honestly too busy and too tired to say anything; but's let's give ourself a fresh start."
It felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders, I had to hug you for the relief. I don't care about "fault" and "responsibilities"; all I care is that this is past us.

I thought all this was lost forever, I thought you were lost forever and you didn't care - you told me quite literally this is not the case - and we could not be friends and that broke my heart.
It did. I don't care that we'll never be anything more, because that's not what I want anyway; but to lose you like that...

Instead, I (we) are given a new chance. It is priceless. The relief is indeed overwhelming. It feels like I can breathe again.
Also because I didn't expect it, let alone coming from you- having you say "There's something wrong, let's fix it"; and this makes it all more valuable.

Now, if I could just get over the fact that you're still screwing that little bitch; and never wanted to sleep with me...

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